Bipolar Diary

Fluctuating

My thoughts have been fluctuating lately.

Sometimes I feel like everyone else is living a good life except for me.

I feel like I’m shrinking infinitely.

Then suddenly I think I should be grateful for my current life.

I have a job so I can eat and live without any major problems, and my family is safe and sound.

I live each day as it comes,

And suddenly I wonder if this is how I should live.

I feel like I shouldn’t live like this, so I flounder for a while,

And then I go back to living the way I was before.

What am I doing this for?

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tobwithu

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One response to “Fluctuating”

  1. Richard Avatar
    Richard

    What makes everyone else’s life good?
    Maybe they only talk about good things and not their problems.
    Why is your life not good?

    Maybe you need to regularly plan/review some goals for the happiness of achieving them… some profitable and some for fun/happiness.

    I don’t have a wife or girlfriend, or children… I gave up, never really tried. Now, I’ve been ‘officially’ retired for a little over a year, not working, living on a small retirement from a natural gas company. In a couple weeks, I start getting my Social Security Retirement pay, which will triple my income. Then I will be comfortable again, and maybe plan some things. I have been in seclusion since before the pandemic. I can talk with people objectively, but I don’t meet new people, make new friends, or date. I’ve not been good with socializing, or mingling, or asking women on dates. I have a few friends, but I spend my time helping them, instead of doing things for myself, by myself, or… socializing. I have my healthcare in place now that I’ve retired ‘officially’… I was ‘semi-retired’ for about 16 years before that …not working, not trying. Just visiting a few friends when I got myself out of my home. Now I have to try to have a life.

    Maybe you should date your wife and play with your children. ; )… and make plans and do/review them daily, maybe travel with family ‘locally’.

    Hopefully I can take music lessons and travel a little, exercise and go hiking with one friend that can still do that.
    I moved from Alaska to Idaho last fall in September… renting a room from a friend …that’s my attempt at change so far. In a year or two, I hope to have a camper-van and travel the US, parks and monuments, with someone, perhaps.

    Previously, I used X-Notifier, donated, and commented in forums, but haven’t for a long time. Thanks for the app!
    Here’s to a good life… : )

    Reply

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