Author: tobwithu

  • Flat days

    Flat days

    I’m spending flat days like today, similar to yesterday. Nothing particularly good or bad is happening. I’m in a depressive state right now. I’m becoming indifferent to everything, and my senses and emotions are numb. As the commotion that erupted after I stopped taking my medication has subsided, new worries have arisen. Is this how…

  • Bad doctor

    I went to see a doctor again today. The doctor changes every week, and today’s doctor was the worst. He didn’t even read my medical records properly and just wanted to finish the consultation quickly because there were many patients waiting. My sister came with me today. My sister thinks most of what I think…

  • Irritability

    As the time I take the medicine gets longer, my mood has sunk. As a result, I’m getting irritable again like before. I get angry at my children and yell at them, and then I regret it. It’s the same pattern of depression that I used to repeat a lot. I can’t let my emotions…

  • Living the carefree life

    The fact that my writing has become sparse is evidence that my mood is sinking. When my mania is severe, the things I want to write about spring to mind. Right now, it’s quiet. I don’t particularly have anything I want to write about. I’m just writing to record my current state. I’m taking the…

  • Seeing a doctor

    I went to the hospital for my scheduled appointment on Monday morning. My sister and brother came again. The doctor had changed, so I had to explain everything again. I thought I had calmed down over the weekend. But my sister said she didn’t see much difference. The doctor increased my medication significantly. The doctor…

  • Weekend

    I tried to spend the weekend as quietly as possible. I tried to avoid things that might worsen my mania or things I did when I was manic. For example, writing or reading books about spirituality. On Saturday afternoon, I was going to go swimming with my youngest son. We went to the gym, but…

  • Hospitalization

    I made up my mind to be hospitalized, so I took a leave of absence from work and left early in the afternoon. I packed a bag with my laptop and books because I would need something to do in the hospital. I met my wife and went to the hospital, but my sister and…

  • Family

    My sister and brother came to visit me again last night. It was because I didn’t keep my promise to take the prescribed amount of medication. I didn’t tell them the exact dosage when we talked last time. I wanted to take less medicine, so I skipped one pill. Reducing my medication is an important…

  • The feeling of being medicated

    I started taking my medication again, and I can feel the side effects starting to kick in. This morning, I had some rice cake, and when I tried to pick it up with my hands, they were shaking. It’s so frustrating. I started to feel sleepy again a work, just like before. I was so…

  • Not a bad day

    I couldn’t sleep after 3 AM, so I thought I would be really sleepy all day, but it was better than I thought. It’s a symptom of hypomania. I was very tired, but I wasn’t sleepy. I still did a lot of work. I coded for the first time in a while and it was…